Dear Gabe,
You turned 4 a few weeks ago! In keeping with my apparent tradition, I am writing this letter late - much too late - but I am writing it nonetheless. As I've told you before, the letters on your birthday are hard for me to write. As much as I love seeing you get older, I hate it. I love you, I love being your mom, and I love caring for you on a daily basis. As you get older, you need me differently and you need me less. I'm learning to adjust and appreciate the way your growth affects our relationship.
This year has been particularly hard. I spent a lot of it depressed - very depressed. And anxious. If there's one thing to know about me, it's that I get anxious. A lot. I don't like it, but so far I haven't found a way to change it. Above anything, I know it has distracted me from you. I'm sorry for that. I want to say with absolute conviction that my anxiety isn't your fault, and it doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. I worry that you'll get that message.
This has been a hard year for you, too. You've had a lot - a LOT - of tantrums. A lot. And you've been hitting and kicking and spitting at us a lot. I wish we could figure out how to help you deal with your anger and anxiety. I know sleep has a big impact on your moods, but actually getting you to sleep is quite a feat! lol You are just like your mother in that you LOVE to stay awake and you hate to miss the action!
I'm excited to see your reactions this Christmas. I love giving you gifts, and I love seeing how you light up when you receive them. I can tell the whole gift experience is a love language of yours. It's one of mine, too. It's fun to have that in common with you.
One thing we want to try to teach you this year is about caring for others who are less fortunate. We want you to be a generous person, and although your dad and I are generous in many ways, I don't think you notice them because you're too young to have those things interest you. So we want to be more purposeful about helping you learn about generosity.
We also want to help you learn about picking up your own messes. You *love* to have your toys spread out all over the house. You can quickly turn it into a disaster! We know we need to be more purposeful in that regard.
I'm so excited to see what it's like to have a four-year-old boy! You amaze me regularly and I love you so much. That will never, ever change!
Love,
Mom
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Saturday, February 16, 2008
February 16, 2008
Dear Gabesy,
I love you! I came down with the flu yesterday, and this had you quite perplexed. Dad tried to explain it to you, so before you went to bed you came over to the couch to snuggle with me. It was so nice! Today, Grandma Robins took you to Walgreens, and while you were there you told her that I had eaten all of the M&Ms and I needed more to help me feel better. So you and Grandma picked up more M&Ms for me and brought them home! You are such a sweet boy!
I may regret telling you this... it's probably just as embarrassing for me as it is for you. But I still think it's cute, so I'll tell you. I was getting ready to hop in the shower this week. You were "tooling" around upstairs, and happened to pop in the bathroom just as I was ready to get in. You came right over to me and took a good look at my "private" area. I wasn't quite sure what to do, but you looked up to me and said, "Mommy, how do you pee?" You were quite perplexed at the fact that there was no penis. I told you that God made boys to have penises but girls peed through a urethra between their legs, and you said, "Oh! *That's* why you don't have a penis!" It was very funny!
Love,
Mom
I love you! I came down with the flu yesterday, and this had you quite perplexed. Dad tried to explain it to you, so before you went to bed you came over to the couch to snuggle with me. It was so nice! Today, Grandma Robins took you to Walgreens, and while you were there you told her that I had eaten all of the M&Ms and I needed more to help me feel better. So you and Grandma picked up more M&Ms for me and brought them home! You are such a sweet boy!
I may regret telling you this... it's probably just as embarrassing for me as it is for you. But I still think it's cute, so I'll tell you. I was getting ready to hop in the shower this week. You were "tooling" around upstairs, and happened to pop in the bathroom just as I was ready to get in. You came right over to me and took a good look at my "private" area. I wasn't quite sure what to do, but you looked up to me and said, "Mommy, how do you pee?" You were quite perplexed at the fact that there was no penis. I told you that God made boys to have penises but girls peed through a urethra between their legs, and you said, "Oh! *That's* why you don't have a penis!" It was very funny!
Love,
Mom
Friday, February 1, 2008
Fourteen Month Update
Dear Gabe,
I thought it was time I did a little summary update for you. You change so quickly and I like to keep track of what you're like at different stages!
* You sleep about 11-11.5 hours at night, going to bed at 7:30 and waking up sometime around 7:00. We don't get you out of bed until 7:00 even if you wake up before that as long as you're not upset.
* You take one nap - around 2-2.5 hours - at noon. I usually nurse you to sleep.
* You put yourself to sleep at night AND you stay asleep ALL NIGHT LONG!! That started just after Christmas when we turned up the night heat. I think you might have been waking up so much because you got cold! We felt very badly once we figured that out!
* You're between sizes - some of your clothes are 12-18 months and some of them are 18-24 months. You wear size 4 diapers.
* You love yogurt, cheese, Nutrigrain bars, and Life cereal. When you see butter on the table you think it's cheese and "yell" so we let you have it. You haven't yet figured out that butter looks similar to cheese.
* In the last week you've just started liking some of our table foods, especially foods with ground beef and tomatoes in them!
* You love to drink water. You hate to drink milk. We never give you juice, so I'm not sure about that!
* You absolutely love to read books. Some of your favorites are Baby Sign books, Goodnight Moon, Polar Bear Polar Bear, Listen Peter Rabbit, 10 Little Ladybugs... I can't think of others right now. You can entertain yourself for a long time with books, and you even pretend to read them to yourself.
* You like playing with forks and spoons.
* You can walk. In the last two weeks you've started walking more than you crawl.
* You're starting to learn how to feed yourself. Sometimes you will feed yourself foods but you'll refuse the same foods if we try to feed them to you.
* You just learned how to drink through a straw.
* We're not really sure if you say words yet. You make lots of sounds and you imitate us sometimes. You might say mama and dada, you've copied the word "gracious," you say "tick tock" when we change your diaper, and you've said "two" when we count. But we're not sure how many of your words are real and how many are just copies of sounds we're making. I am pretty sure you do know the word "bye," though. You say it when people leave, even if they just leave the room to go upstairs.
* You like to take baths in the "big boy" tub and you have figured out how to get out of your bath ring and stand up.
* You don't really know how to color or draw. You are more interested in tasting the crayons and markers.
* You know how to give hugs and kisses but you don't do it very much.
* You know some of your body parts. You know your head, teeth, and belly. We're trying to teach you chest and nose. You know where other people's noses are.
I thought it was time I did a little summary update for you. You change so quickly and I like to keep track of what you're like at different stages!
* You sleep about 11-11.5 hours at night, going to bed at 7:30 and waking up sometime around 7:00. We don't get you out of bed until 7:00 even if you wake up before that as long as you're not upset.
* You take one nap - around 2-2.5 hours - at noon. I usually nurse you to sleep.
* You put yourself to sleep at night AND you stay asleep ALL NIGHT LONG!! That started just after Christmas when we turned up the night heat. I think you might have been waking up so much because you got cold! We felt very badly once we figured that out!
* You're between sizes - some of your clothes are 12-18 months and some of them are 18-24 months. You wear size 4 diapers.
* You love yogurt, cheese, Nutrigrain bars, and Life cereal. When you see butter on the table you think it's cheese and "yell" so we let you have it. You haven't yet figured out that butter looks similar to cheese.
* In the last week you've just started liking some of our table foods, especially foods with ground beef and tomatoes in them!
* You love to drink water. You hate to drink milk. We never give you juice, so I'm not sure about that!
* You absolutely love to read books. Some of your favorites are Baby Sign books, Goodnight Moon, Polar Bear Polar Bear, Listen Peter Rabbit, 10 Little Ladybugs... I can't think of others right now. You can entertain yourself for a long time with books, and you even pretend to read them to yourself.
* You like playing with forks and spoons.
* You can walk. In the last two weeks you've started walking more than you crawl.
* You're starting to learn how to feed yourself. Sometimes you will feed yourself foods but you'll refuse the same foods if we try to feed them to you.
* You just learned how to drink through a straw.
* We're not really sure if you say words yet. You make lots of sounds and you imitate us sometimes. You might say mama and dada, you've copied the word "gracious," you say "tick tock" when we change your diaper, and you've said "two" when we count. But we're not sure how many of your words are real and how many are just copies of sounds we're making. I am pretty sure you do know the word "bye," though. You say it when people leave, even if they just leave the room to go upstairs.
* You like to take baths in the "big boy" tub and you have figured out how to get out of your bath ring and stand up.
* You don't really know how to color or draw. You are more interested in tasting the crayons and markers.
* You know how to give hugs and kisses but you don't do it very much.
* You know some of your body parts. You know your head, teeth, and belly. We're trying to teach you chest and nose. You know where other people's noses are.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Happy Third Birthday!
Dear Gabe,
Happy birthday! Today is Wednesday, November 21st, but I wanted to make sure I got your birthday letter done this year! :) And I was reminded to write your letter today because we're under a snow advisory for our first snowfall of the season. In 2004, we had our first snowfall of the year on the day you were born - also the day before Thanksgiving! I love remembering the time you were born and all of the events surrounding that experience. Dad and I are SO incredibly blessed to have you. Of course, it makes me tear up to even think about how many blessings you have brought to our lives.
We are entering what I consider to be a "hard" phase. You are very verbal and opinionated and stubborn. Can't imagine who you got that from ! :) I am trying so hard to figure out how to help you learn about anger and frustration and disappointment. It is by far the hardest job I've ever had. And I am learning so much about myself in the process. I need to learn how to do a better job with those emotions myself. It was very poignant the other day when you told me you don't like it when Mommy is mean! Yikes! You think I'm mean when I won't let you have your way - which is my job some of the time - but it did make me chuckle and have second thoughts about how I must come across to you. I just want you to know I try really hard to get it right! ;)
Your vocabulary is very funny. You say things like, "I fell down graciously" or, "I would surely LOVE to do that!" or, "Actually... probably." You have a lot of grown-up words, and it is really funny to hear those thoughts coming out of a small child. You also have a really strong ability to reason, so you keep us on your toes! And you ask, "Why" almost constantly!
We are still struggling with the infertility stuff, and I feel guilty that you don't have a sibling with whom you can play. I hope we'll be able to figure something out on that issue before you turn 4. There are a lot of times when I have so much on my mind that I don't play with you as much as I would like. I'm not naive enough to think you'll never face a challenge this difficult, but when you do please know we're here for you, and we want to be the kind of parents who walk with you through your struggles. I am learning that difficult situations are always made easier when you have people to walk beside you in the midst of the darkness.
I love you so much! I can't wait to see what this fourth year of life will bring for you!
Love,
Mom
Happy birthday! Today is Wednesday, November 21st, but I wanted to make sure I got your birthday letter done this year! :) And I was reminded to write your letter today because we're under a snow advisory for our first snowfall of the season. In 2004, we had our first snowfall of the year on the day you were born - also the day before Thanksgiving! I love remembering the time you were born and all of the events surrounding that experience. Dad and I are SO incredibly blessed to have you. Of course, it makes me tear up to even think about how many blessings you have brought to our lives.
We are entering what I consider to be a "hard" phase. You are very verbal and opinionated and stubborn. Can't imagine who you got that from ! :) I am trying so hard to figure out how to help you learn about anger and frustration and disappointment. It is by far the hardest job I've ever had. And I am learning so much about myself in the process. I need to learn how to do a better job with those emotions myself. It was very poignant the other day when you told me you don't like it when Mommy is mean! Yikes! You think I'm mean when I won't let you have your way - which is my job some of the time - but it did make me chuckle and have second thoughts about how I must come across to you. I just want you to know I try really hard to get it right! ;)
Your vocabulary is very funny. You say things like, "I fell down graciously" or, "I would surely LOVE to do that!" or, "Actually... probably." You have a lot of grown-up words, and it is really funny to hear those thoughts coming out of a small child. You also have a really strong ability to reason, so you keep us on your toes! And you ask, "Why" almost constantly!
We are still struggling with the infertility stuff, and I feel guilty that you don't have a sibling with whom you can play. I hope we'll be able to figure something out on that issue before you turn 4. There are a lot of times when I have so much on my mind that I don't play with you as much as I would like. I'm not naive enough to think you'll never face a challenge this difficult, but when you do please know we're here for you, and we want to be the kind of parents who walk with you through your struggles. I am learning that difficult situations are always made easier when you have people to walk beside you in the midst of the darkness.
I love you so much! I can't wait to see what this fourth year of life will bring for you!
Love,
Mom
Sunday, October 21, 2007
You today
Dear Gabe,
I haven't listed tidbits about you in a while now, so I thought I should catch up!
* You mostly wear 3T clothing. I just noticed some of the pants are looking a bit short on you. However, I can still pull them off you without unbuttoning most of them; you're pretty thin!
* You are about 40 inches tall, and you are over 35 pounds but less than 40 pounds.
* Your eyes are mostly brown, although I still hold out hope that I can see a little blue! :)
* You love watching Clifford the Big Red Dog and Todd Parr dvds. You also like
Thomas the Tank Engine and Bob the Builder, but you haven't asked for Bob the Builder in a while.
* You call Ty Lowstetter your brother or your son.
* Amelia Barger is your girlfriend.
* You like playing "drive through" with your car.
* You like eating candy, Life cereal, Cheerios, and Wheaties. You tolerate some vegetables and meat, but you have to be coerced to eat most of our meals.
* You sing "The Moon Song" every time you see the moon.
* You love Disney Cars characters, and you especially love cars, trucks, rescue vehicles, and tools.
* You like singing "wooship" songs at "hahvest chooch."
* You love to take photos.
* You love to work with Daddy in his shop.
* You are excited for your birthday and Christmas, but not as much as I am!
* You love playing drums.
* You know all your letters.
* You can no longer spell your name.
* You love eating pumpkin candy corn.
* You go to bed around 8:00 and wake up around 8:00. However, you don't go to sleep until about 10:00. You play in your bed until you go to sleep.
* You love your Blue Bear and Oshi Bear.
Love,
Mom
I haven't listed tidbits about you in a while now, so I thought I should catch up!
* You mostly wear 3T clothing. I just noticed some of the pants are looking a bit short on you. However, I can still pull them off you without unbuttoning most of them; you're pretty thin!
* You are about 40 inches tall, and you are over 35 pounds but less than 40 pounds.
* Your eyes are mostly brown, although I still hold out hope that I can see a little blue! :)
* You love watching Clifford the Big Red Dog and Todd Parr dvds. You also like
Thomas the Tank Engine and Bob the Builder, but you haven't asked for Bob the Builder in a while.
* You call Ty Lowstetter your brother or your son.
* Amelia Barger is your girlfriend.
* You like playing "drive through" with your car.
* You like eating candy, Life cereal, Cheerios, and Wheaties. You tolerate some vegetables and meat, but you have to be coerced to eat most of our meals.
* You sing "The Moon Song" every time you see the moon.
* You love Disney Cars characters, and you especially love cars, trucks, rescue vehicles, and tools.
* You like singing "wooship" songs at "hahvest chooch."
* You love to take photos.
* You love to work with Daddy in his shop.
* You are excited for your birthday and Christmas, but not as much as I am!
* You love playing drums.
* You know all your letters.
* You can no longer spell your name.
* You love eating pumpkin candy corn.
* You go to bed around 8:00 and wake up around 8:00. However, you don't go to sleep until about 10:00. You play in your bed until you go to sleep.
* You love your Blue Bear and Oshi Bear.
Love,
Mom
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Sunday before you're three
Dear Gabe,
I decided I would keep all my letters to you on a separate blog. I have weirdly irrational fears that if I died you'd never see my letters to you because they'd be lost amidst the rest of my journal entries. I know... I have issues. ;)
Right now you're upstairs. Dad just gave you a bath, and I can hear you playing with him. It is one of my favorite sounds in the world. I am downstairs making a pie. YUM! You've been eating pumpkins (the candy corn ones) all morning, and I think that might account for some of the screaming and craziness I can hear!
Nothing big... just wanted to start this blog for you!
Love,
Mom
I decided I would keep all my letters to you on a separate blog. I have weirdly irrational fears that if I died you'd never see my letters to you because they'd be lost amidst the rest of my journal entries. I know... I have issues. ;)
Right now you're upstairs. Dad just gave you a bath, and I can hear you playing with him. It is one of my favorite sounds in the world. I am downstairs making a pie. YUM! You've been eating pumpkins (the candy corn ones) all morning, and I think that might account for some of the screaming and craziness I can hear!
Nothing big... just wanted to start this blog for you!
Love,
Mom
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Today is a big day!
Dear Gabe,
Today is a very big day - for me, probably more than it is for you! Today is the very first day in your whole life that you haven't nursed. For your nap, I thought I would experiment and put you down without nursing and see what you did. Well, you went to sleep with ease in about ten minutes. At night, I thought I'd see if you wanted to go to bed. Often you tell me you want to nurse. Today you just wanted to get in bed with your duck and your teddies.
I'm very proud of you!
I'm very sad for me.
And if I'm to be totally honest, I feel scared for me, too. Nursing has always been the time when you were calm with me and we could just spend time together. I have looked forward to those times because I feel connected to you, and like it's very easy to care for you. It's not so easy to care for you when you're running around getting into things and wanting to read the same story a hundred times or yelling because you're upset you can't go outside to play in the water. Nursing you was something I could do, and do well.
I really do want to be a good mom and I know that means gradually letting you go and giving you up. This is just one more sign of that and it makes me sad because I love being your mom and every stage you're in goes by too quickly. I hope you remember that when you have children. Every stage seems like eternity when you're in it, but in reality they're gone in moments and you're onto something new. You can never hold, cuddle, or love a baby too much.
I hope you'll indulge me and let me call you my baby for a while longer. I know you're big and I know you're independent and I know you love exploring and discovering. But in my heart you're still my baby and I promise I'll work hard at learning to let you grow and go!
Love,
Mom
Today is a very big day - for me, probably more than it is for you! Today is the very first day in your whole life that you haven't nursed. For your nap, I thought I would experiment and put you down without nursing and see what you did. Well, you went to sleep with ease in about ten minutes. At night, I thought I'd see if you wanted to go to bed. Often you tell me you want to nurse. Today you just wanted to get in bed with your duck and your teddies.
I'm very proud of you!
I'm very sad for me.
And if I'm to be totally honest, I feel scared for me, too. Nursing has always been the time when you were calm with me and we could just spend time together. I have looked forward to those times because I feel connected to you, and like it's very easy to care for you. It's not so easy to care for you when you're running around getting into things and wanting to read the same story a hundred times or yelling because you're upset you can't go outside to play in the water. Nursing you was something I could do, and do well.
I really do want to be a good mom and I know that means gradually letting you go and giving you up. This is just one more sign of that and it makes me sad because I love being your mom and every stage you're in goes by too quickly. I hope you remember that when you have children. Every stage seems like eternity when you're in it, but in reality they're gone in moments and you're onto something new. You can never hold, cuddle, or love a baby too much.
I hope you'll indulge me and let me call you my baby for a while longer. I know you're big and I know you're independent and I know you love exploring and discovering. But in my heart you're still my baby and I promise I'll work hard at learning to let you grow and go!
Love,
Mom
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