Today is a big day!

Dear Gabe,

Today is a very big day - for me, probably more than it is for you! Today is the very first day in your whole life that you haven't nursed. For your nap, I thought I would experiment and put you down without nursing and see what you did. Well, you went to sleep with ease in about ten minutes. At night, I thought I'd see if you wanted to go to bed. Often you tell me you want to nurse. Today you just wanted to get in bed with your duck and your teddies.

I'm very proud of you!

I'm very sad for me.

And if I'm to be totally honest, I feel scared for me, too. Nursing has always been the time when you were calm with me and we could just spend time together. I have looked forward to those times because I feel connected to you, and like it's very easy to care for you. It's not so easy to care for you when you're running around getting into things and wanting to read the same story a hundred times or yelling because you're upset you can't go outside to play in the water. Nursing you was something I could do, and do well.

I really do want to be a good mom and I know that means gradually letting you go and giving you up. This is just one more sign of that and it makes me sad because I love being your mom and every stage you're in goes by too quickly. I hope you remember that when you have children. Every stage seems like eternity when you're in it, but in reality they're gone in moments and you're onto something new. You can never hold, cuddle, or love a baby too much.

I hope you'll indulge me and let me call you my baby for a while longer. I know you're big and I know you're independent and I know you love exploring and discovering. But in my heart you're still my baby and I promise I'll work hard at learning to let you grow and go!

Love,

Mom

Ways You Communicate

These are the ways you currently communicate:

You can point to:

your head

your teeth

your belly

your nose (this one is new - you need a little prompting)

You can say/repeat, but we're not sure you know what they mean:

Oprah

gracious (you said this when playing your "gracious" game with Grandma)

mama (you occasionally say this when we've put you to bed but you don't want to go to sleep)

da (you seem to say this when Dad comes home)

no (we told you, "No touch" and you said "no" a number of times)

tick tock (you say this while we change your diaper)

tickle tickle (you make noises that sound kind of like this when you tickle yourself)

Definite words:

dropped

stuck

buh (for "bye")

boom (when you fall down)

up (when you want to be picked up or put down)

You understand:

when we ask you to close the cabinet door

when we ask you to turn off/on a light switch or the tv

when we ask you to sit down so you can have a snack

when we ask you to bring us a book

when we tell you "no touch"

when we ask you to dance (you don't do this much anymore)

First Birthday

Dear Gabe,

Happy first birthday! I can't believe you're already one! Everyone told me how fast time flies when you have a child. I believed them but didn't understand how much it really speeds by. I feel sad today because I know how quickly the first year has gone and I don't want the rest of the years to pass me by so fast. But I'm also so happy to see how you've grown and to reflect on the wonderful little person you're becoming!

The thing I've loved most about your first year is being your mom. I know that sounds a bit trite and typical, but I've never been a mom before and I love it. It is a huge honor to take care of you everyday, to teach you little things, to comfort you when your sad, to play when you're happy, and to cuddle you when you're tired. I know all those things will be continue as you get older, but I really have liked them this year.

There are lots of things I would wish for you, but these are a few of the highlights that come to my mind...

I hope you come to know Jesus as your own personal Savior. I want you to know Him the way I know Him - as a wonderful, loving, holy Father who desires amazing things for your life.

I hope you learn to feed yourself. I love feeding you, but you're so picky on the textures you like. I hope you start liking a variety of foods and that you like to try to eat them with your own spoon.

I hope you learn to enjoy peace and calm. Those aren't always available in large quantities at our house since your dad and I are pretty intense people, but I want you to have opportunities to experience them and know how to seek them out for yourself.

I hope you always know I love you fully. You don't have to meet any standards or goals to be loved by me. You just are.

I hope you escape my hangups. That's probably too tall an order, but at the very least I want you to know that I know I have my own hangups and issues and I'm sorry that they'll probably effect you.

Happy first birthday to my very precious son! I love you!

Much love,
Mom